Nocturnal Panic
by RenegadeOyu
Summary: It starts with one nightmare. One stupid nightmare, and only goes downhill from there. Soon enough, everything just decides to go wrong. Not only Ed's sleep is affected but also his every day life. When one lacks sleep, horrible decisions and depressiveness ensues! Mainly EdxWinry rated M to be super safe [and for mild language and certain future chapters].
1. First Nightmare

**A/N; Hello Readers ^-^ Long time no write! So this is the first chapter of a fic I'm working on right now. I'm not going to post the following chapters just yet c; You'll have to wait a bit~**

His eyes closed, his breathing calm and even, Ed let Winry work. Her hands lightly working on his arm. He was laying on his stomach in a hospital bed after another brutal fight that had left his arm ruined. Again. Winry hadn't skipped out on giving him hell for it earlier.

It was just him and Winry at that moment, making the room almost completely silent, except for the sound of metal-on-metal fixings. He wasn't really sure where Al had gone, but decided not to think much of it. They were in a hospital.. What's the worse that could happen?

Ed had been dozing off here and there but he fought to stay awake. Despite being a mechanic, and kind of violent, Winry had a soft and comforting touch. Which didn't really help with the whole fighting-to-stay-awake thing.

With all the military work and fighting constantly going on, there wasn't much time to relax. So moments like these he tried to savour.

He suddenly felt her fingers trace on his back, right over a bruise, making him shiver and wince.

"What happened?" She asked, her voice sounding softer than usual.

"Do you really expect me to keep track of every injury I get?" Ed retorted in a slightly sleepy voice. He could practically hear her rolling her eyes. He wasn't about to tell her how he'd been hit by an automail arm (one about twice the size of his head). It was surprising nothing in his back had been broken. A cracked rib or two. No major injuries.

She went back to his arm, placing a final screw in place.

"All done." She said, letting out a satisfied sigh, admiring her work. She truly was proud of her automail.

"Thanks again, Win." Ed said. There was a slight silence as she made some final touches, tightening something here, polishing something there. Then she stopped, her hand resting where metal met flesh, tracing the tainted flesh.

"When are you guys coming home again.." She said so low he almost didn't hear her.

"Winry," He said. "You know we try to visit as often as we ca-"

"No I mean for good." She said. He suddenly felt something light and wet fall on his back. Water?

"I know.. I know. Not until you get your bodies back." Was her voice cracking? Ed pushed himself up and looked at her. She _was _crying.

"Win.."

"I just miss you." She said, wiping her tears away. "Both of you." She added quickly. He grinned.

"But you said _me_." She hit his non-metal shoulder and he laughed.

"Shut up." She could get angry so fast.

"I miss you too." He said. "Sorry- _We _miss you too." He laughed, earning himself another punch. But then his laughter faded and he took on a more serious tone. "We have to keep going, though. We have to do this." He said in a more serious tone. "_I_ have to. For Al's sake."

He felt something in his hand then realized it was Winry's. His eyes darted to hers but she was looking at the ground.

"Hey." He said, squeezing her hand to make her look at him. "What's wrong?" He looked into her eyes, watching her smile slowly appear.

"I have to tell you a secret." She said in a completely different tone of voice. She leaned closer to him and he felt the blood rush to his face as she whispered in his ear. "To be honest, I specifically missed _you_ more.."

_What? _Before the word could even escape his lips, Winry pressed her own to them. Was she kissing him?

… She _was _kissing him.

She was _kissing_ him.

She pushed the blanket away and climbed on the bed, sitting on top of him, looking at him with this intense look then leaning down to kiss him again. He felt a little self conscious, making out with a girl in a hospital gown. But honestly, at that moment, who gave a damn?

Yeah, he could deal with this new addition to getting his arm fixed.

Her hands were all over him, all over his chest and heading lower. She then took something from under the blanket. Rope?

Ed was about to ask what the hell she planned to do with rope, but she didn't give him the chance to.

She was choking him.

_Choking_ him.

Not in some sort of kinky way, either. No, she was trying to hurt him. He tried to scream but the string was completely cutting off his vocal chords and wind pipe. He was going to die if she didn't stop. He tried to pry the rope away but it was no use. He couldn't breathe. He could feel his head getting fuzzy.

He tried to push Winry off of him but she wasn't budging.

Ed sat up with a gasp and his hand flew to his throat, which was rope free.

"Brother?" Al asked from the other side of the room. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah.. Just.. Nightmare." He said, still feeling breathless. His heart was beating so damn fast. What the hell had that dream been all about?

He'd dreamt about Winry before but never that extreme. He'd never dreamt of her.. Touching him or anything like that. He'd also never dreamt about her trying to kill him. They were both new territory.

"Just a nightmare." He repeated, reassuring himself. It _had_ been just a dream. It didn't mean anything.

"Oh you're awake!" Winry said, poking her head at the door. She walked in and headed towards her toolbox on the chair in the corner.

"Anytime you're ready Ed." She said. "This shouldn't take too long. Unless you fall asleep again." She said, glaring at him. "At least wait until I _start_ to go to sleep so that I can actually fix your arm." She huffed.

"Yeah yeah." He said. He remembered now. He'd been talking to her earlier. After she'd calmed down about him practically annihilating her precious automail. He was pretty beat up and tired from the fight, and as they'd been about to begin he'd fallen asleep. Conveniently on his automail.

"Take your shirt off." Winry said, approaching him with the toolbox. A request she'd asked a many million times before, that had never bothered him. But as he took his shirt off he felt his heart pounding. Remembering how real it had felt.. Her fingers tracing his back. She went straight to work, analyzing what needed to be fixed. The whole time, Ed avoided looking at her.

"How're you feeling?" Winry asked as she screwed something off his arm. "You seem… Bothered."

"M'fine." He answered. "Just tired." He added, knowing his tone was nowhere near believable.

"Hey Al, I forgot something.. A specific kind of screw, do you think you could go look if they have some around?" She said, writing the name and brand down, handing it to him.

"Sure, Winry!" He said, taking the piece of paper and practically running out of the room. Al adored Winry, Ed knew that. He didn't know how much though. Winry was a subject they often avoided.

Winry went back to working on Ed's arm. "So, what's actually bothering you?" She said. "I know you never actually talk to me, you don't want to burden me, blah blah, but something seems to be bothering you a lot." She looked at him and he forced himself to look back.

"No, really Winry, I'm fine." He said.

"Must be why you're so tensed and anxious, right?" She said, going back to his arm. He grinned. She could read him so easily. He let his head sink into the pillow and took a deep breath, letting Winry do her job.

"How long are you going to stay in Central?" He asked.

"I'm going to stay until you completely recover for sure." She said. "I think then I'll go back home for a bit before heading back to Rush Valley." There was something in her voice. Longing?

"Don't you miss being home?" She suddenly asked. "Ever?"

"Of course." He said. "But.. I mean it's not really home anymore, is it? I don't think it can ever be home again." Winry had this ashen look on her face.

"What keeps us coming back is you. You know that, right?" He said. "You and Granny. the old shrimp." Winry laughed and Ed looked at her. "You guys are home." He said, closing his eyes and resting his head on the pillow again. He knew he'd said too much. He'd shown too many feelings, too much vulnerability. But Winry didn't say anything. He appreciated that.

"You sent Al on a fool's errand, didn't you?" Ed chuckled.

"I'm just worried about you." Winry said. "I know you won't talk with Al here because you don't want to worry him. But you can't always do everything alone. Someday you'll fall."

Ed grinned. "And when I fall I'll just get back up and keep walking." He chuckled as Winry went back to work, mumbling something about a big fat ego.

**^-^ Let me know what you think~ Kthanksbye~ I'll try to start posting the rest around February :3**


	2. Plague 61

**Yes! That's right c; I said february and ITS FEBRUARY! (Well depending on what time it is over there) **

**So I won't be posting ALL of the story now, because I'm having major writer's block :( But I will be posting bit by bit, and once the story's all written I'll post it more frequently c; **

**Do enjoy, good reader. Do enjoy! And ^-^ reviews are nice writer'sblock killers~ :D **

The dreams always started out the same. Well, almost the same.

It always started along the lines of him being sick, or injured, or in some vulnerable position. Then came the worried Winry, so sweet and caring. Then there was kissing (It usually went further than that, but we'll leave it at kissing).

Then she killed him.

Sometimes she choked him with rope, or clothes- even a bra at one point. Sometimes she stabbed him. Asphyxiated him. Poisoned him.

It always ended the same, cruel and brutal way.

Why he was having these dreams, he had no idea. But they were happening every time he fell asleep. The deep circles under his eyes were proof.

"I've been having nightmares." He'd told Al after the first few days. "Regularly." He added.

"Again?" Al asked in a worried tone.

"What do you mean again?" Ed asked. There was a bit of an uncomfortable silence. It's not like he often had nightmares. Well, he did.. But not _regularly. _

"Are they about anything in particular?" Al asked, trying to change the subject. Ed hesitated.

"Winry." He said. "I keep dreaming she's trying to kill me." He decided to leave the other parts out. You know, sexual dreams, not your typical brotherly conversation topics.

"I once had a dream that Winry and I were married, but not like in a lovey way, but in that weird dream way where nothing makes sense.." He said, going on and on, Ed waiting for him to get to the point. "And you were somehow our child, and we had to run errands in Xing, but yo-"

"Yeah did she slit your throat with a broken glass in your dream?" Ed said, getting impatient. "Or shoot you in the heart?"

"Sorry." Al said, sounding like a kicked puppy.

"No, I'm sorry." Ed sighed. "I'm just grouchy cause I haven't been sleeping well." He stood up to head towards Alphonse but his the room suddenly spun, making him lose his balance and fall back on the bed.

"Are you alright?" Al said, rushing towards him. Ed just grinned.

"I'm fine." He gave his brother a thumbs up. "Just light headed from being stuck in that damn hospital bed for a whole week." He got up once more, putting his jacket on.

"But really, Al don't worry I'm fine." He patted his brother's metal body.

"But if you brought it up, it must be bothering you.."

Ed laughed it off. "I'm _fine_, Al." He said, making his way out of the room where Winry was waiting for them. The dreams still made him feel a little awkward around Winry, but he hid it better. He had to.

For a hospital, they actually had some pretty decent food here. The only problem was their persistence of wanting to serve milk as a main beverage.

"Lactose intolerant." Ed lied as the lady gave him a glass of water instead. All three of them sat down at a table near a window. Not too close to anyone sick or possibly contagious.

Once he was sitting down and facing his food, Ed realized he wasn't really hungry. Okay the thought of eating this breakfast was extremely unappealing at that moment. He knew, from experience actually, that he would probably need his strength so he forced himself to eat anyways.

"So where are you guys heading next?" Winry asked. She looked genuinely interested as they explained to her, but he could tell she was holding something back. His mind went back to his dream, when she'd said she missed them. _Him_. And when she'd asked if he missed home.. He realized he was spacing out. Winry looked at him questioningly and he couldn't help but look away, feeling anxiety rising in his chest, which he forced down with a mouthful of eggs.

He couldn't understand why he was having anxiety now. He'd never had anxiety before. Nor had he ever been nervous around Winry. Or anyone.

The anxiety kept rising up.

Wait.. No, that wasn't anxiety.

Ed stood up and quickly ran out of the cafeteria, making it to the bathroom just on time to display his non-digested breakfast in the first stall he reached.

"Are you okay?" Alphonse asked from the doorway. "Brother?"

Ed was getting so sick (literally) of hearing those words. He straightened up and walked out of the stall, rinsed his mouth at the sink and looked at his brother in the mirror.

"I think you might be sick." Al said, placing a hand on Ed's shoulder. "Maybe you should go see the doctor, since we're he-"

"No, it's nothing." Ed said, shrugging his brother's hands off him. "Just some stupid stomach flu or whatever." He said. He knew what it _really_ was though. It was anxiety. He'd seen it in his mother. She rarely showed it, but she'd have anxiety episodes when he was younger. Too young for Al to remember. He'd probably just inherited a touch of it, which was probably even triggering these stupid dreams and his nervousness towards Winry.

"Come on." He said. "Winry's probably worried sick."

"She's not the sick one." Al muttered sarcastically under his breath.

Ed's entire body felt ten times heavier, but he ignored it. It was just part of the anxiety, he knew that.

"Are you okay?" Winry asked, looking worried.

"Of course I am." Ed said, walking ahead of them. After checking out of the hospital officially and leaving the damn building, Ed felt much better. The fresh air, the freedom. Central was alive and well.

So was he, until he got to the train station. His head began spinning again, his body feeling heavy.

"Ed, you're looking kind of pale." Winry said. "Are you feeling alright?" She was right next to him, but her voice sounded a thousand miles away. He tried to take another step forward but his legs decided to just stop working. As did the rest of him, seeing as everything went black, and there was nothing but a sharp pain in his head.

Her hands were on his arms, chest, everywhere, feeling his muscles and looking up at him, smiling mischievously.

"When did you get so big and strong?" She teased. Her blonde hair, usually in a ponytail, was down and.. God, she was gorgeous.

There was wind coming from god-knows-where, blowing her hair into her face as she leaned closer to kiss him. Their bodies were bare and very close, making Ed's heart pound crazily. He took a step to hold her better when he realized he was standing in some sort of puddle. Winry backed away from him, and that's when he noticed she was carrying a bucket of water. In one quick movement she threw its contents at him, soaking him from head to toe.

"Winry!" He yelled. "What's-" His eyes widened when he saw her take out a box of matches. That's when he realized this was not water.

She lit the match, her eyes watching the trail of fire for a few seconds. Ed turned and began to run. He looked back just to see the match hit the trail of gas that lead straight to him. He kept running as fast as he could, feeling the flames getting closer, licking his ankles. He didn't even hear his own screams of agony as the flames danced on his skin.

His entire body was burning, yet not completely. Burning but never completely burnt, so he could suffer longer.

Losing his own arm and leg hadn't even hurt this much. It eventually became so much that he barely felt it. Only an annoying searing warmth.

"He's coming to." Ed heard a voice say. He opened his eyes, feeling as if the light was literally burning his brain. He still felt the warmth from the dream, and a throbbing pain in his temple. He raised his hand to it, feeling a bandage there.

"How are you feeling?" The doctor asked him. Ed glared at him, challenging him to ask another stupid question.

"What happened?" He asked.

"You passed out." Al said firmly. "After you said you were fine." He was clearly pissed.

"You also hit your head." He added as if he didn't much care.

"Just.. Tired." Ed said, his speech feeling a bit slurred.

"Actually, we ran some tests.." The doctor began, his tone promising … Not the _best_ news. "I'm afraid there was more than just fatigue at work here." Everyone in the room was listening to him. "I'm afraid you've contracted plague 61."

Ed just stared at him. Everyone else just dead silent.

"You're joking right?" He laughed. He looked around, hoping the others would join in his laughter at the stupid cruel joke. But when no one laughed, when Al stayed completely still and silent, and Winry's hand flew to her mouth and her eyes watered, he knew this wasn't a joke.

Plague 61 just so happened to be the illness that had taken his mother away… And more than 61 000 people in less than a month. Thus the name Plague 61.

"Science is much more advanced than it was during the epidemic." The doctor began. "There are treatments, though no guarantee. But the chances of it killing you are extremely low." He said. Still, no one said anything.

Edward was actually sick. Possibly fatally so.

"Don't worry." The doctor continued. "No one has died from Plague 61 in six months." He said reassuringly.

"I'll try not to break the record." Ed replied sarcastically.

"Don't talk like that you idiot!" Winry said, hitting his shoulder. She was clearly pissed and worried. There was genuine hurt in her eyes.

Could this actually, seriously be happening? He laughed emotionlessly. How ironically depressing would it be if he died by the same illness that took his mother?


	3. Going Home

**I do sincerely apologize for the late update! I've been sick and lots of school work got in the way D; I already have most of the story written but am just unsure of where exactly I want it to go l: Chapter 4 should be up soon ^-^; Let me know what you guys think :D Reviews are GREATLY appreciated ^-^~ **

**Chapter 3 **

Plague 61 was not the most pleasant disease. It made him sleep a lot, every muscle in his body was sore, he couldn't keep any food in his stomach (not that he even wanted to, just the thought of eating made him nauseous). Oh, and the fever was kind of uncomfortable too.

He had never felt so sick in his life.

Al rarely stayed in the room which struck him as odd. Normally when he was sick or injured his brother never left his side. In fact, he rarely left his side, ever.

Winry had been bringing him food regularly, even though he didn't touch it, stealing his milk that he didn't even glance at. He's asked her if she knew where Al kept going, but she just shrugged.

"It's hard for him, you know." She said. "Seeing you like this. It reminds him of your mother."

Ed looked out the window, since there wasn't really anything else to look at except Winry and he couldn't bear that sad look on her face she always wore nowadays. He hadn't really thought of the effect this could have on Al.

"Doctor Munro said this was actually the worst case he'd seen in months." Ed said, testing out the words for himself. He felt Winry take his hand and stiffened, remembering that first nightmare. He pulled his hand away, maybe a little too harshly, and ignored the hurt look on her face.

"I'm not some child, Winry." He said. "I don't need you to hold my hand through this."

She didn't say anything, but he knew the words had struck her. _It's how it has to be. _He told himself.

"You don't have to go through this alone." Winry said. She started to say something else but stopped, as if she'd changed her mind. "I'm going to go look for Al." She said, realizing he wasn't going to budge. Her tone of voice was… Pissed wasn't even the word. Disappointed? Hurt?

The worst dreams, Ed thought as he looked out at the city, were the ones he didn't realize were dreams at first. The ones that left him crushed that it _was_ a dream.

The doctors had let him go take a walk on the roof to get fresh air.

'Letting' him meaning he snuck out when no one was around.

The sun was setting, making the sky ruby red. It had always been his favourite shade of the sky.

He hated being sick. He hated depending on everyone, making them worry. Sometimes he'd feel fine for a couple of hours, but then it came back even worse. He remembered that happening to his mother. It was the key symptom of Plague 61. The constant relapses.

He and his brother would be so happy to see her better for a little while. She kept getting worse and worse until she was finally fine for a week straight. They were so happy, all three of them, that it was done. It was over. The sickness was gone.

But they were uneducated in Plague 61 and the horrors of its relapses.

She died in her sleep a week later.

So these mini-recoveries didn't really comfort him. He couldn't really fully appreciate or enjoy them seeing as the symptoms usually came back twice as worse.

"Do you remember we used to watch the sunsets all the time back home?" Al asked from behind him. "All of us, even Dad sometimes." Ed winced at the mention of his father, but decided not to let it bother him.

"Hey, where've _you_ been all day?" Ed said, not taking his eyes off the sky.

"Here and there." Al said. "How are you feeling?"

"It's not so bad right now." Ed said. "The symptoms come and go, really."

"Are you still having the nightmares?"

Ed thought for a moment. "Yes." Al sighed.

"At least they don't seem to be as bad this time."

Ed paused. "What do you mean 'this time'?" He turned to look at his brother

"You really don't remember?" Al asked. "A couple of months after Mom died you started having nightmares." Now that Al said something, it did ring a bell. "Every night, too." Al added. "For about a month. You'd wake up screaming, sometimes crying too."

Okay _that _he didn't remember.

"You wouldn't remember anything after, too. I wasn't sure if you actually couldn't remember or if you were just pretending."

"Sounds like night terrors." Ed said, then straightened up. "These are just nightmares though, Al, don't worry too much. Okay?" They both stood there until the sun was completely gone, leaving only a bit of light left before the stars came out.

"We should go back inside. The cold can't be good for you."

"I'm not cold."

"You have a fever, you're not really an expert on temperatures right now."

"You're one to talk." Ed said jokingly, but he followed his brother to the door.

He paused at the top of the stairs as Al went down them. Something wasn't right

He grabbed hold of the railing so he wouldn't fall, balancing himself on his automail leg.

"Al.." He said. "Al!" His brother turned questioningly, then hurried when he saw the panicked look on his brother's face.

"What's wrong?" Al said, helping his brother balance himself.

"I can't feel my leg." Ed said.

It was just him and the Doctor Munro in the room. The doctor looked over some files quickly, the moving paper the only sound in the room. Except maybe for Ed's pounding heart. His leg was completely paralyzed.

He knew this wasn't good.

"The plague's final symptoms.." Munro began. "The later symptoms we see is always paralysis. Sometimes in the face, hands or arms, or, in your case, leg."

Ed let that sink in. _Final symptom. _

"Now this isn't a death sentence." The doctor continued. "Some people do get over the paralysis and then heal. But.."

"But most don't.." Edward finished for him.

"I don't want to discourage you, but this _is_ one of the most severe cases we've seen in a long time." Munro looked at him but Ed couldn't meet his eyes.

"There's nothing more we can do here." He said. "The medicine's done what it could."

"So it's just basically a wait-and-see type thing?" Ed laughed an emotionless laugh.

"I suggest you go home, Edward." Munro said. "Make yourself comfortable. "

"Make myself comfortable to die?"

"That's not what I meant." The doctor shot back at him. "But if this does end up worst-case-scenario.. Just be with your family to get better." The doctor stared at him. Al was his only family now. Munro squeezed Ed's shoulder and smiled reassuringly before leaving the room.

A few seconds later Al hurried in the room with Winry calmly behind him.

"What did he have to say?" Ed paused for a second, not exactly sure what to tell his brother.

"He said to go home." Ed said with an unsure smile, looking at Winry. There was a silence as Winry processed what he'd just told them. "The doctor said there was nothing else to do here but wait so.."

"I'll call Grandma and let her know." She said. Her voice sounded broken and Ed wondered if she suspected..

"Wait, so we can go home while you get better?" Al asked excitedly. Ed felt his heart break for a fraction of a second, but pushed the thought away with a smile.

"You bet'cha!" He said, grinning.

It wasn't Ed's first time in a wheel chair, but it _was_ his first time on a _train _in a wheelchair.

It wasn't all that fun.

Winry said nothing on the ride there. Al, on the other hand, couldn't stop talking. He was just so excited to be going home.

They got so caught up in finding the philosopher's stone and getting their bodies back that Ed sometimes forgot that Al was still a kid. That _he_ was still a kid himself.

Ed tried to feel hopeful about the whole situation. Besides like the doctor said. Some people overcame the final stage. Some did. _Some don't, though. _He added bitterly.

When they got off the train, Al and Armstrong got off first, walking a little ahead of he and Winry.

"You can't lie to Al like that." Winry said coldly. "You can't let him go about believing you're going to be okay. He's going to be so crushed when he finds out you're going to- … That you'll.."

She couldn't finish the sentence.

He didn't say anything, just lowered his head. He knew she was crying silently. He desperately wanted to comfort her, to wipe the tears away. But he couldn't. He couldn't get more attached to her than he already was nor could he be cruel and give her even more reason to be upset.

"That's not a guarantee." He said. He smiled. "There's hope, Winry."

_"The fresh air feels so nice in this town." His mother said, ruffling Ed's hair. "It helps." He knew she meant with the illness. _

He didn't fully understand how fresh air could help so much when he was younger. But he did now. After being trapped in a hospital for two weeks and a half, to see the green fields and feel the free wind on his face…

He thought of Al, who couldn't do that anymore. Couldn't go outside and have a breath of fresh air. That's why he was determined to see this through. He couldn't leave. Couldn't die. Not without getting Al's body back.

"What did the pipsqueak do to himself this time?" Pinako said the moment they all walked in, noting the wheelchair. Ed sighed. He didn't even have the energy to insult her back. She noticed. For half a second he thought he saw a worried look her her face but he couldn't tell because she quickly turned around and said angrily. "The room upstairs is all set up. And I don't care how sick you are, boy, I'm making stew and you are going to eat it."

Ed grinned. It was good to be home.


End file.
